Tuesday, 3 June 2008

i'm so sad

it's very difficult coming home from driving ally to school and there's no doggy to greet me
we go down stairs to hang up the laundry and he's not there
wanting to toss some meat scraps out the door
reaching to turn on the outside light so he can see
closing the door to keep him out of the house (it's a rental)
i think the hardest part is knowing i'll never lose my fingers in his soft fur again
that and i keep picturing him laying at the bottom of the hole

greg and i grieve so differently - we see death differently so we cope in different ways - i kept stroking and talking to bogart at the vet, even after he'd gone and the whole time we prepared his grave. where as greg really didn't want to look at him as to greg he was gone the moment the anaesthetic took effect (poor bogart was then transported wrapped in a blanket in the car boot). there is no wrong or right way to grieve. so i'm not saying he's wrong. just different. i think our methods may prolong the others grief 'though.

ally drew him in her visual diary at school yesterday - so she could look at him if she missed him at school - she wrote my puppe did (my puppy died). she's coping really well - though a little concerned for all our well being. theo says doh doh doh as we went down the steps yesterday - i was teaching him how to say dog. greg and i both cry. i guess it will get less each day.

dogs are so unconditional. greg told one of his workmates last week that bogart was always happy to see him when he got home from work - but that he couldn't guarantee i was - smile. i AM always happy to see him, however i do get cranky and you know what spaniels just don't do cranky!!!

oh well must off and feed theo
thanks for letting me indulge my grief a bit


Mandy said...

It's so hard, losing a loved one - I've got tears in my eyes reading your post. Big hugs.

Kaz said...

thanks mandy

Keely said...

Losing a family pet is so hard! People who have gone through it themselves generally understand, but a lot of people seem to have the opinion that - it's just a dog, who cares? But a family pet is as much a loved family member as anyone else in that family. Reading your posts is reminding me of when our family dog died when I was 19, and I can feel tears starting to well!
When he died Mum and I were in hysterics crying our eyes out at the poor Vet, we then had to tell my brother who had his 21st birthday that weekend and who had been the closest out of all of us to the dog. It was just awful.
So I am sending big hugs to your family, and hoping that the world treats you gently as you are going through the grieving process.